Sign up for my newsletter Click here!


What do you consider to be intimate?

Some people define it as being known on a deeper level — so you share inside jokes and maybe even have your own language. Others consider it being vulnerable — sharing the stuff you don’t like about yourself and trusting you can be loved through it all. Still others think it is a physical thing – the ability to be physically naked or minimally clothed together and still feel safe (and maybe even sexy!). I think it’s all of those things…and I was surprised to discover another definition recently. When I realized I felt like the experience gave me as much pleasure and connection as other intimacy does, I realized I had been given a special gift — a new way to be intimate with my lover.

Are you curious what it was? If so, read on!

I was on a date with my sweetie — dinner and bluegrass music! As we left the restaurant, he grabbed one of the hard candy mints from the bowl at the door. We walked and talked our way across the parking lot. Suddenly he interrupted himself and exclaimed how good the mint was&hellp; and said I should get one to try. But he didn’t wait for me to go get one… instead, he leaned down so his mouth was close to mine. I thought he wanted me to smell it… then he gently grabbed the back of my head to steady me, moved his mouth over mine and popped the mint into my mouth! I was so surprised, I just laughed and went with it! He kept talking about the mint, saying how creamy it was and how different than other mints.

I had to agree — it was delicious. I sucked on it a bit then reached up and grabbed his head and pulled him back down to meet my lips… and popped the mint back into his mouth! We both laughed and extolled its virtues a little more then headed to the music venue.

This one small act of shared pleasure has stuck with me. I loved that he wanted to share his excitement with me — but he didn’t just want to tell me about it. Or even make me go get my own to experience it. He wanted to share his discovery with me — he wanted me to experience the same thing he had and to get the same enjoyment he had received. He trusted that I would accept his gift and that I would not be grossed out by his sharing it. It was spontaneous and fun, surprising and delicious!

I’m not sure how to label the type of intimacy that offered us… I only know that it was wonderful and memorable and sincere. And I’m grateful to him and to Life for it.

What experiences have you had where you felt deeply connected to your partner in a way that defies the common definitions of intimacy?